Not that I will nvr 4g3t.. Im trying my vry best to forget bout it.. I noe tht, 5mins words will nvr beat the time v spent 2gthr. But at times, when i wana do stg, i oweys feels lk sumthing haunting me.. I cnt do dis, i cnt do tht.
will we go n eat steamboat lk laz time again? lepaking at bagan lalang again? no more "on den on" rite? if tht incident nvr happen, we will still carry on lk dat kan? anyway, im juz giving example ler.. like jia jia i wana go steamboat, den i nd to think alot times ma, cnt wan go den go nymore..
Dun u realise i oweys ask u to make decision lately? Im afraid to make any decision nymore, bcoz sum decision made doesn't involve both of us oni, but oso other ppl.. n coz of dat, the feeling came back again..
i knew that, thinking those bad moments makes me suffer.. n tht is why, i wanted to go hang out wif my friends, lk i went for sushi with them, to gv myself sum laugh.. so that i can be out of sight n out of mind of things i dun1 to see.. 没错，我在逃避。
I cnt care much how ppl think of me nymore, bcoz i reli nd a breathe.. As long as u noe what person i am, den other than tht, i wouldnt care much..I tink u wont noe tht, in class im oso breatheless, i eventhough duno which place i suppose to sit..i nd to be so fake to talk to sum ppl oso.. thats is oso 1 reason why i wana go out frm college even more.. i nd to talk so fake bcoz ppl talk to me sarcasticly, i dun feel comfortable
Sincerely, I reli hope to be the one, that u 1st meet.. be with you like how we used to be with each other b4 things happen.. gv me a little more time.. I blieve i cn find bk myself wit u by my side..
r u willing to accompany me to find myself bk? =)
anyway, thanksszz for ur advice.. i appreciate lotzz.. i will feel better as day gone by eventhough if i can't, at least i noe that there is still ppl hu care for me n im happy enuf..
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
2 comments:
As u grew bigger image is an issue..i knew tht everybody like do thing as their like even me as well.. My parent always told me these word "You r now adult there is sumthing u cn do bt sumthing tht u cnt do..if u think it wont harm then go on bt dun be too over.." Being ur bf and see u suffering like this aso vry painful..bt u must knw u borned to world to njoy bt nt for u to think of them so much. I knew myself..i cnt do tht as i nt dare to face infront of ppl if i have did sumthing to them this is my personal problem..thts y i always think twice b4 doing..i dun wan to be tht bt i gt no choice..so be a person that will make me feel more comfortable as a result it maybe balance it out so i wont reli influence by THT.. Or maybe u cn try lik try to do thing tht make u feel comfortable..so THOSE kind of thing will nt always pop up in ur mind because things tht make u comfortable already over THOSE thing.. I dun know it work o nt bt it work for me..i cnt 100% confirm because sincerely which kind of person am i..i aso nt clear..sumtimes trying to find out bt at the end u will feel.."there is no reason for me to do so as i have still alot thing to do in future, if i still think of this slowly it will become a gap and my mind will be stuck on tht..just do wht u suppose to do and be myself..if u dun like then stay away frm thm..they wan to say is their prob..we cnt control them..all v cn do is nt to hide on it bt to face it they dun like they show their face is their prob..i dun wan to be with u bcoz i nt feeling comfortable with u..my purpose is nt to entertain u..i gt my own aim which is came here to study
These are all my bullshit hope it is useful..else just forget about it..i felt like nonsense bt thats all i cn do for you.. Im sorie
ur words sum damn deep eh..
but slowly i can figure it out.
thinking or not thinking of that is nt reli an issue.. but my heart lk stuck stuck la.. lk u kena b4, u gt tht phobia stg lk dat..
What do you mean by dun dare to face in front of ppl? another thing,Did sumthing to them is ur personal prob..who is the "THEM"? hey, how bout you briefly tell me, WHAT'VE I DID??? bcoz i go watch movie? go eat? go dating wit u at nite or what?
n eventhough if i go to bed late, I NEVER SKIP MY 8AM CLASS.
But all dis is none of their business, arent they?
Why the hell izit ppl nd to "blow message" in such a way huh!..
I cnt tahan lor..
whatever it is la, i wana 4get bout it, im trying real hard to forget.. damn suffering.. lk wana go die lk dat.. touchwood.. the more i wana forget, the more i cnt.the moment i wana 4g3t, sumthing is thr to rmind me..
sumtimes, when i tink until over , i feel lk goin to her n ask, or is thr anytin i make ppl bu shuang n wana make up story.. but after thinking.. what wil i get if i noe rite?
so.. at the end, i juz hv to endure it by myself..
Maybe ppl too concern bout u,n scare u choose wrongly.i noe u vry close to them wan.. stg lk family.. n so, i duno to angry or to thank her for so concerning u... But how cn words cumout in tht way?. judgin b4 knowing tht sum1?.. i say alot times dy, i hurt wan.. i gt feeling wan oso.
Honestly,till now, i never forget a single word cumout through that particular phone. the voice n so on, is still fresh in my mind.. n add in even worse, his FACE EXPRESSION to me, i couldn't forget bout it.did i tell u tht ar? n bcoz of tht, i nd stg to protect myself, u rmb i told u wan xin ji? i noe is bad la..mayb a way to protect myself oso.. but since my friends dun1 to teach me how does it work actuali, n i noe u wont like it.. so, i promise, i wont do it.. who likes evil bad gf rite.. i understand.. i still cn think abit la, dun worry.
Mayb i pms, dats y i tink until lk dat.. or mayb i sot rdy.. i reli duno wht my brain thinkin.. i reli duno......
Maybe you will think i've change.. Not lk last time rdy.. No doubt, i reli changed.. But not all, oni for certain kind of ppl i nd to hold back a little, bcoz i scare to cry once more.. so, is sum kind to protect myself la. I won't treat ppl all the same lk how i did last time nymore. i will treat them lk how they treat me. fair n square.
But what i wana tell u is, my care or love towards you, had nvr change frm the begining till now..
i noticed u stay away frm tht person. as u mention at the laz post. But oweys i see u in dilemma, to go or not to go.. U go, u scare i not happie, u dun go, u sked ppl say bout me.. So, sumtimes, i reli feel sorry for you too.. but im happie tht u are able to make ur own decision now.. =) Nxt time, follow ur heart when u wana make decision.. As u said, they wana say, is their prob..uncontrolable. So,to them, my image oso mmg gone rdy wat, what they wana add, what they wana say, juz let it be.. Most important is how u think of me.. thats the oni thing i care.
what is all u cn do? u cn do more but u duno.. even is juz a hug frm u or ur accompaniment,or a sms asking how was my day, will be sweet enuf, i cn feel the support, the care.. but do u noe tht? =) u don't know right...
Post a Comment